4 Keys to a "Successful" Marriage from "researchers"

I just got this email from a local radio station (that will remain nameless) regarding marriage:

Researchers have discovered 4 keys to a successful marriage. These are questions that can be answered even while engaged... do not ignore these warning signs --

1. Eye-rolling - Does he listen to your concerns or dismiss them? If he always seems to roll his eyes over your concerns, he's trouble.

2. Insufficient responses - Does he act on your concerns? If you're concerned about money, and he runs out and splurges on a new car, that indicates trouble ahead.

3. Heavy-duty spending - Is he obsessed with his appearance, and the wealth of others? Danger ahead.

4. No relationship education course. They compare relationships to sledding, you just hop on and enjoy the ride. Marriage on the other hand is like skiing, and that takes lessons and skill. Couples who complete marriage education courses are more successful at keeping their relationship together than those who assume they'll be just fine.

Well - this is troubling.

1. G rolls his eyes at me every day. Yes - you read this correctly – every day. I usually will say or do something that he thinks is silly/stupid/crazy/dumb/lame (reader's choice here guys). Most of the time I can't blame him...the eye roll comes after things like: Hey, don't eat that yet, I need to take a photo; Well, that's not what Dr. Oz said; We are going to go to the Taylor Swift concert; Stand with that Lego statue so I can take your picture; Can you kill that spider? Oh, it's dead...but can you get it anyway? He rolls his eyes in the most loving/caring/entertaining way possible though. So, hopefully we're okay there.

Just in case you don't believe me about the Lego statue.

2. G typically responds pretty well to my concerns. For instance, when I say "I just don't know how all of this is going to get done" he says "it probably won't." I mean, he listened to me and made a response - that's good, right?

3. G doesn't spend a lot of money. Y'all, he would never buy himself anything (other than food) if it wasn't for me. The problem I do have: G only uses cash. No debit card, no credit card, no checks - just cash. We have to make time out on our way somewhere to stop at a Cashpoints. This is enough to get a divorce on its own - but somehow we have managed through it. Lucky for us: "we pass a cashpoints on our way out of town" (G's famous last words).

4. Education course...well. We did do a class before we got married...but haven't since we got married. Is this a problem? We can hardly get through P90X together without laughing or making fun of one another - I am not sure we could do a class that we had to take seriously.

This list is stupid. First of all, who doesn't roll their eyes at their spouse? Please - find me one person who hasn't done this. If you're spouse goes out and buys a new car without telling you (regardless of how much money you may/may not have) - you've got BIG problems and this has nothing to do with "insufficient responses". If he is obsessed with his appearance - you should know this before you get married. I mean, if it takes him as long as you Pauly D to get ready, that should be a red flag. And relationship education courses - maybe if you are with a Daddy Warbucks spender or Pauly D. Otherwise - I think we're all okay. These "researchers" probably aren't even married - they probably live in library and read all day. What do they know.